days ahead .....

bracing myself to go through day after day was indeed tough
without you that would always called me
doing it alone is too tough and heartbreaking
but what can i do ...

though i'm now back to flying
and restarting all over again
starting from beginning
though i was happy and grateful with all the supports that i have received from friends
still i'm missing you

there's a part that cannot be fixed
cannot be changed or mended
that part that is not only broken but gone

my life is all plain
no colours no rainbow
it's just and empty blank space
not even grey

how i wish i would know where this journey ends
where this leads to
what is the ending

i wonder how you are doing
do you feel or going through the same
perhaps it was easy for you
perhaps you have someone new
how i wish i knew it all

now that you've blocked me from every corner
making me feel like a stranger
an alien perhaps
sent to outer space

like all the things we had weren't meaningful to you
at all
like i never existed in your life

keep giving myself false hope
that the future will be ours
that we will be happy once again

or perhaps i'll find someone new
someone better
someone that meant something in my life
someone that care
someone not like you
unlikely to be you

been almost 02 months now
tell me how to move on from this

#breakup again #repeated story

well... again i have to go through another break up ...
A person whom i thought and said that he would love me for life ...always ...
he was perfect in every way and very concern about me ...

he afraid of me cheating him and afraid that i might leave him but instead he did it ...
though he didn't admit it but evidence clearly shown that ....

my breakup this time was exactly the same as my previous break up .... same situation, same story and so sudden .... no feelings anymore he said ...

and at the moment i'm going through the exact same sadness ...
i hope i have strength to move forward ... i must ... for my own sake ...

i'm gonna miss a lot of things about him; his kindness, charm, caring and all ...

All of our trips together to Batu, Malang which was our favourite places to go whenever we could ....
But what can i do, people change and he did changed ... to be what he claimed he wanted to be ...

he's looking for happiness and i hope he finds it ....

thank you and good bye my love for i still have hope of you coming back and this is temporary ...
otherwise ... in the future i hope that i could still see you ... perhaps when we are old ....

hoping .............

#time #story #new beginning

goodness ... been a while since i posted something here ... way too long
i've been updating my life story through instagram, so if you are still reading my blog u can go to @azharrashid

well, i've left my job at AirAsia back in Sept 2015. Looking back, never have i thought that i would leave my job... but life has a different story for me ... a new direction ...

being able to open my business, was a real challenge for me ... never have i thought that i'll be having my own company ... the only struggle that i have is not being busy anymore ... company is running well and i'm hoping that i'll be able to launch my company by this year ...

another struggle that i have is to forget about my old job, there have been a couple of occasion where i felt that i wanna go back to my old job...

road ahead is tough and very challenging as i'm no longer in my comfort zone ... but being me, am gonna be all brave and keep on fighting ... i may not be having all the material that i used to have but its ok ... time will come when everything is back to my so called normal ...

on another note, having a partner in life that understand you and would move mountains to make you happy is definitely a plus point ... never have i thought that i would met him and having a real relationship ... after that very bad episode of my life ...

i dont forgive and i will never forget ... thats just me ...

glad i resigned at the top ... a position many would envy ... and dream of having that post ...

i need to learn to let go and truly embracing the life that i'm in ...

sometimes i wonder what is in store for me ....

would live be good again ...

being able to travel and eat and enjoy life to the fullest ...

again time will tell ... this is another episode of my life ...

way too long ...

it has been a very very long time since i last wrote here... been writing on instagram lately ...more like uploading my pics there ... i have not been writing 'cause i've been sad, mad and my world was falling apart ...

Now i'm back, stronger, bolder and looking forward into the next chapter of my life.... building my new world alone or perhaps with someone new ... perhaps ... started dating again and i do hope to fall in LOVE again .... but one thing for sure is that i have a  new LOVE .... GYM !!! LOL ... can't believe it right, it is the only place at the moment where i have fun, lots of fun .... i've finally got that body that i've always wanted .... not quite there yet but getting better each day ....

Gym is where i let go my anger, sadness, pain, disappointment and all that are negative in my life ...building a new life after been torn apart wasn't easy at all .... it was bloody difficult but i almost made it ... made it to the finishing line ... letting go and moving on ....

i may be in a relationship again or i may not be ... it still matter ...  i am looking for the ONE ...

I was very lucky for the supports i've received from family and friends ... without them i'll be nothing, i could have been lost .....

it was a long and painful ride for me .... looking back, i never thought that i could do it ... be in the position that i'm in now and being happy again ... well almost .....

Didn't we almost have it all ???????

To my new life, let's celebrate all the things that matter .....

Everything happens for a reason and let the reason be LOVE

To all you people out there who are going through what i've gone through .... Be BRAVE ... be very brave ... you will see the light at the end of the tunnel .... though everything seems impossible now ...keep fighting ... only you can change it ... only you yourself can make the difference ... TRUST yourself ... be Positive .... no one can can do it for you except you ... no one can change your life except you .... BE STRONG ... BE A PHOENIX ......

LOVE always

i'm angry and sad ....

I'm angry 'cause you've decided to cut all connections with me ... suddenly you are not answering my call nor my message ... this happened out of sudden ... I have no idea why ?!!
I'm angry for all the things that you did to me ... the lies, the cheat and all of the empty promises ...
One day you will know what is it like being hurt again and again ...
you've said that that when it happens, you will have to accept the karma but do you have any idea how much is the pain ??!! try it once ... I urge you ... to try it ... feel it ...

I'm sad 'cause after all that we went through, you have decided that things should go this way ...
I guess that you are just another asshole ... whom look nice and pleasant on the outside but cruel inside .... you are just a bad person with an ugly heart ...

Damn you and that guy ... two years meant nothing to you ...

I wish you nothing ....

Nothing at all ....


 

lost at times .... just lost ...

    The last photo together ...

i really don't know what to do with myself ...
the more i try to avoid him the more i miss him ...
been more than 03 months now ...
deep inside me still hoping that someday we'll be back together ... sooner ...
this could be a true LOVE ...
am basically moved on with my life but the heart department still hasn't ...
missing him day and night though I've finally have the guts to call him and talk ...
he was quiet ... probably feelings the same too ....
probably ... I'm not quite sure if i should go and find him ...
maybe by talking face to face would settle things or issues between us ...
maybe if he sees me in person he would change his mind ...
maybe ... i don't wanna continue being like this ...
sad ... feeling alone and wanting him soooooo bad ...
i just done know what to do ... been praying, though god hasn't answer my prayer ...
if only i know what to do with this feelings, what actions to take to win him bad ..
I'm just so confused ... i just don't know ... don't know when will this ends ...
so many questions ... wish i know the answers ..
i might ended up being crazy or ... getting lost in this ..
i don't know where to hide ... where to go .. what to do ...
i want you !!!
i miss us ...
i'm sorry ...
let's start it all over again ...
 

I'm still in pain ....
The fact that he's denying that the guy is Ken and even telling me that i got a wrong guy ...
Evidence on Path clearly shown that he is with that guy ....
Spending most time together and expressing feelings of being love in public
He totally ignore me, not contacting me and all ....
He clearly has moved on ... Why am I feeling this way ....
As much as I want him to be happy, I still miss him in my life ... A lot ....
Perhaps one day he will know how I feel inside .... He will know what I had to go through and how much it hurts ... I've never been hurt this way ..... Ever .....
Maybe god has plan for me but whatever the plan is, I felt that I couldn't continue anymore...
I wanna cry but I can't, I wann die but I have responsibilities .....
How to start work after this .... Why are you doing this to me... To hurt someone you love so much .... Someone whom you used to love and cared so much ... Someone whom you cannot live without ....
Kenapa? .......

been a long time ...

it's true when people said that you will start to write again when something hits you.

in my case this is so true. I need a place to pour what I feel inside ...
well for starts, I've left AAX and will be going back to AK.

broke off with my by of 2 years and this all happened when my birthday is coming ...
sad hah .... well and the story  goes ...

the part where he didn't feel for me anymore, the part where he cheated once on me were all forgiven ... why ? 'cause I still want him in my life ...

but for now, am just gonna leave him alone until he misses me and wanting me back.
though too many questions about why this all happened and what had gone wrong?
why cheat? why no feelings anymore.... I know the fact that 2nd year is the hardest ...
need to survive this and am pretty sure it will be fine after that ...

at the same time, still worried that someone will take him and offer him love ...
LIBRA can't never resist love and care when someone offer it to them ...
I hope that this will be ended soon ..

I pretty much have mistakes as well, not being able to cater him, having fun "outside" ....
It was all because of my own insecurities ...

it was a crazy thinking that if one day he leaves me, I would still have some fling to fall into ....
NOT supposed to do this ...
Don't even know how to continue my life without him ....

the house that we built together, the families, the friends ... everything will be different now ....
EVRYTHING .... I truly don't welcome this ....

 

Hello to the world ...

it's 2012 ... year of the dragon ... expect things to be better in my life... i've just got back from PARIS and it was awesome .... shopping that is ... enjoyed this trip very much ... on the another note, life has been treating me good, money wise, work wise and am proud to say that i've settled down ... i've met a guy whom i love very dearly ... met him couple of years ago but my recent trip to BALI started it all...

i know the fact that i've not been writing that much but hey ... i've been ultra bz in the human world hence neglecting the cyber world ... not quite actually, tweeting and facebooking seems to be much easier ...

posh:- half the time only ...

oh nooo.....

u see my schedule is bz as always .... i have no idea why i kept neglecting this blog of mine ...
work has been good but me being a typical Sagittarius always wanted something new ... perhaps a change in career next year ... perhaps ... none the less i've been enjoying the time of my life ... from Japan to paris and all over the globe ... my life has been nothing but fun fun fun ... that's the i wanted my life to be ... keep on exploring new horizons and new frontiers ... age is catching up and i'm gonna be 35 soon .... but before that happens am gonna head to Bali ... it has been a while since i last been there ....Bali used to be my fave place in the world before i discovered Bangkok ... which is at the moment i'm feeling so sad with the flood situation over there ... i really hope that things will get better ... as Kylie said and sings ... better tomorrow .... so Bali here i come ... there's so much to write yet i 've been avoiding to write it over here ... oh Love.... is something that i been longing for yet i couldn't find it .... keep searching rain ...keep searching .... ok bye bye boys .... fatty gotta go .... urrrggghhhh i'm still FAT !!!